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My Natural Hair

Updated: Jan 20, 2022

- Yes, it's a real thing to me, keep reading!

In 2014, I stopped getting perms, wearing weave, and drawstring ponytails because those styles damaged my hair badly. Plus, I was pregnant and needed a change. I couldn’t get a perm due to my high-risk pregnancy, so I let the perm grow out. And in 2015, I stopped wearing wigs. I liked wearing them for the fullness, but I couldn’t stand the heaviness, headaches, and shedding.

So, transitioning from weave to natural was a major change for me as I spent 20 plus years with a perm and wearing hairstyles with extensions. In a way, wearing those hairstyles was a security blanket. I was so attached to them; I wouldn’t go to school and didn’t want to be seen in public without having my hair styled with a weave. It made me feel acceptable. I hated showing my natural hair. If I went a day or days without extra hair, I felt insecure. I’d wear a scarf instead. The hatred towards my hair stemmed from my upbringing and society. I didn’t realize how much wearing weave affected my confidence until I went natural.

As the perm grew out, my hair grew longer and stronger-major props to prenatal vitamins. At one point, my hair reached the upper level of my back. As much as I wanted to, wearing my natural curls just didn’t feel normal. Straight hair is my favorite style but it’s not healthy putting that much heat on it. It’s been about seven years since I fully transitioned to natural hair, and I’m still not comfortable embracing my curls. In fact, I didn’t start wearing my curls until 2017, and whenever I wore my natural curls in public, it lasted for one or two days.

About a year ago, I decided to challenge myself to wear my curls everyday with no shame and without feeling insecure. I wanted to own my hair just like I used to own my hairstyles back in the day. Unfortunately, the challenge didn’t last. I still felt uncomfortable and kept it pulled back in a bun.

A few days ago, I finally let them out. After 20 minutes, I felt uncomfortable. As soon as I got back home, I put it up. I’ve always admired the Black women who rock their natural curls and afro with full confidence. I’m still trying to get on that level.

Anyone else have this issue? Or is it just me? How did you break out of this mindset of hair insecurity?

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