Updated: Aug 7
When you experience a traumatic loss: a marriage, a loved one, a pregnancy/baby, an opportunity, or job, it can turn your world upside. Trauma can put you into a dark pit of brokenness, loneliness, depression, or confusion. It is human nature to feel deep sorrow when you experience a great deal of trauma or loss. If you’re not processing your experiences, then you’re probably not healing. And when you are trying to process and heal, life can feel quite lonely. You’ll start to feel like nobody understands your situation.
Everyone grieves and process situations differently. Healing is an ongoing process that happens in phases. The stages of grief are inevitable for many of us. These unexpected life-changing experiences are devastating. If you’re not healing healthy, it could cause more damage to your mental and emotional wellbeing.
Here are 10 things you can do while you're healing. Make sure you speak to a specialist about doing what’s best for you.
1. Put God first. I make an intentional decision every day to put God first. I pray and praise. I mediate on his word when I’m going through a crisis and when life is calm. No matter what, always cling to God. He will give you comfort, and He will heal your pain. Jesus knows how deep your sorrow is and he understands your despair. The more you give your heart to God, the more you’ll experience peace.
2. Connect with a church: Depending on our personal situations, we either leave the church or find comfort in going. Many people stop attending church after experiencing trauma and loss because they felt abandoned by their church leaders. I did. But eventually I returned to a church that I hoped would support me. Church leaders are not supposed to make you feel worse during trying times, they are supposed to help you overcome. Nonetheless, ask the Lord to lead you to a Bible teaching church with leaders who are willing to serve and support you.
3. Find online support groups: Search for supportive groups that have experienced the same things you’re going through. When we feel lonely and isolated, we think nobody else understands or cares about our problems, but there are people in this world who will understand you and who do care. Do your research. Social media can be a helpful tool. Be wise about who you are connecting with. If connecting with people online makes you uncomfortable, find a small community of women in your local area.
4. Christian therapist/wise counsel: If you don’t want to speak to your pastor or a leader at your church, try a therapist. Don’t let therapy to scare you. It does not mean you have a mental health disorder. But if you are struggling with some strong emotions and need advice about healing, a therapist or wise counselor will help you. You can attend one session or as many as you need. If you just want a safe space to talk to someone while you’re grieving, a therapist will be a wise choice.
5. Talk to a life coach: If therapy makes you uncomfortable, try a life coach. When you find the right coach, you can talk to them about the struggles in your life. A coach will help implement strategies to help manage your life while you’re grieving and healing. They will help you figure out realistic methods to help you accomplish your goals.
6. Family/Friends: If you have family and friends who are supportive, trustworthy, and nonjudgmental, go to them for support. A lot of people like to grieve and heal alone, but if there is someone who you can trust, reach out to them. Depending on the type of woman you are, healing from traumatic losses by yourself can lead to severe depression. Also, be mindful about sharing your thoughts and emotions with family and friends who gossip. It will only cause you more pain.
7. Learn a new hobby: As you’re going through this healing process, learning a new hobby, or optimizing your gifts and talents will help you regain confidence in yourself. I thrive off learning new things and starting new projects/ideas. I enjoy being creative, writing, drawing, home décor, dancing, and singing. Focus on doing something positive that will spark joy. This will also help you understand your purpose in life.
8. Exercising: Lifting weights or doing intense workouts are good ways to eliminate stress, anger, and sadness. Exercising will improve your mood, boost your energy, help you sleep better, feel better, and inspire you to eat healthier. Exercising can be fun and affordable. There are many fitness Apps and online challenges you can join. The goal is to eliminate stress, anxiety, and spark joy.
9. Journaling: Write your thoughts on paper but challenge yourself to write words that will empower you. When you see and speak healing words, you will heal. Writing can help you move forward in life. Set goals, so you have something to focus on. If you are healing, you will not remain stuck in that season. Journaling allows you to get those heavy thoughts out of your head, so you can allow more space for positive thoughts. There’s nothing wrong with thinking positively even when you’re grieving.
10. Have fun and explore: Remember to keep living. Don’t just exist; have fun, laugh, and live like you are grateful for your life. Be in a position where God can use you to help other people. Also, get out and explore new places and meet new faces. Take a drive and go for walks. You'll be inspired to keep going when you see trees, open land, beautiful homes, tall buildings, and other people living their lives.
The trauma you experienced is real and your emotions are valid. Healing will take time. Be patient and let God handle help you.